How to Go Down on Her
Basic Step-by-Step Guide to Giving Her Great Oral Sex
So you want to learn how to go down on her huh? A wise choice my friend! A woman who finds a lover that gives great oral pleasure isn’t a lover she is willing to let go of so easily. Cunnilingus is truly an art worth mastering, but as with any art form, the fundamentals need to be understood before the true joy of the art arises. I will give you some basics, but learning the basics could take up this whole page and more, so I recommend checking out the rest of the site to learn them. I’m going to assume you are very familiar with the female anatomy. Let’s get started! This is a long ass article, but the lady you are with will highly appreciate it. Hell, it may even save your relationship!
The Basics of How to Go Down on Her
There are many fundamental aspects to the art of eating pussy (If you are offended by that word, go have an orgasm then continue reading this) however there are 4 that you should really focus on. Her relaxation tops all four, if she is not relaxed, everything will feel off for both of you and she will not come no matter what you do. Do everything in your power to make sure she is relaxed. Relaxation allows for easier arousal as well.
1) Passion and Attitude
If you aren’t enjoying eating her out, she can feel that, trust me. Enjoy it! Let her know that you are in love with tasting and pleasing her. In turn, she will be more relaxed and trust you more deeply. As a result of that, she orgasms harder and faster! Tell her verbally how beautiful her pussy is, how wonderful it tastes and smells. When you first put your head between her thighs, say “Mmm, you smell lovely” or something to that effect. When she is soaking wet, slowly put your finger inside her until it is coated with her juices, and after sucking off the juices while making eye contact, say: “Mmm, I love the way you taste, I could eat your pussy all day” or simply “Mmmmmm.”
Don’t underestimate this. Once she knows you enjoy her taste and smell, she will relax and allow pleasure to take over her body. Treat oral sex as a main event (because it is)…forget about intercourse for now (she will remind you later!). Her relaxation tops all. The best oral sex is enthusiastic and unasked for.
2) Don’t Rush.
Take your sweet time licking her. I’ll go over some great comfortable positions in another article, but seriously…if she feels you wanting to just give her an orgasm she’ll sense a disconnect. Oral sex is something you do WITH her, not TO her. Explore every inch of her body and especially every nuance of her clit. Find out which part/side of her clit is most sensitive. Be curious about her and her pleasure. Make her pleasure your pleasure. General rule of thumb: Always start slow and gentle
3) Pay Attention
This is HIGHLY important. All women will tell you what they need to orgasm…all with their breath, hips, muscle tension, and sounds. PAY ATTENTION! All women vary in how they like to be stimulated, how much pressure they like, speed, rhythm, etc. Learning how to go down on her can be as simple as listening to her body and responding with what she needs in order to be taken higher at that moment. Pay attention to which tongue strokes she responds most positively to. Give her eye contact to maintain the intimacy and emotional connection.
4) Rhythm: The Secret Of How to Go Down On Her
If you really want to know how to go down on her, then rhythm is important. Once she is really turned on, rhythm and consistency are king. I would argue that the best way to ensure an orgasm from oral sex is by consistent rhythmic tongue strokes. When she is near orgasm, you don’t need to go faster, vary your tongue strokes, or switch spots on her clitoris. Keep EVERYTHING the same.
If you must change something, increase the pressure and speed of your tongue. I’d leave everything constant unless you are VERY good at reading her arousal and know her body well enough to recover from accidently delaying her orgasm by changing rhythm. Breaking rhythm causes you to lose some (if not all) of her arousal/pleasure momentum.
It’s fairly safe to say that you should go slower in the beginning while vary stimulation, but pay attention to the consistency of your strokes to build her arousal. However once she nears orgasm, and you have found the certain stroke, speed, pressure, etc. that drives her wild CHANGE NOTHING. Keep a steady rhythm and intensity until she comes. When she is coming, don’t stop anything. She’ll stop you when she is finished, trust me.
Going down on a woman is about mastering the balance between movement and stillness. Be sure you place some sort of rhythmic pause (long or short, doesn’t matter) between licks. Let each lick finish its echo of pleasure throughout her body before calling out to her with your tongue again. Give each note (i.e. lick) time to resonate fully. As the song of cunnilingus approaches crescendo, the notes may overlap and become indistinguishable as ineffable pleasure vibrates through her body.
How to Go Down on Her: Foreplay and Creating Anticipation
Kissing a woman while being able to communicate passion AND relaxation through that kiss is a sure-fire way to get her turned on really fast. She wants you to be in control of your arousal, but barely able to contain your savage passion for her. I like to create a mix of hard and soft sexual tension. What do I mean by that? I’ll push her up against a wall (safely) really fast with my elbows contacting the wall first. To her it feels rough without actually harming her.
Then I passionately kiss her neck and her jaw line. My lady seems to have a clit in her earlobes so I like to kiss and suck those as well. This is all done really fast and passionately while my hands are either on her lower back, ass, or softly holding her neck. I then quickly put my lips next to hers, a millimeter away. I let her kiss me first, with passion. I break the kiss and start it again with sweet agonizing slowness.
Everything I do slows down…my kisses and my caresses become soft. I pull her hair firmly (if you do this, make sure you know that turns her on otherwise its useless), press my body softly up against hers while kissing her very softly. Play with mixing up hard and soft passion and see what it does for her. I use kisses to communicate with women. I am now kissing her in a way that says “I am enjoying your lips and your whole body” which morphs into teasing kisses with a little sexual assertion thrown in to spice things up.
The best part about cunnilingus foreplay is that it inherently builds anticipation if done the right way. She simply has to know that you are about to go down on her and her mind does the rest. I like to send my lady a dirty text such as “I can’t wait to taste you later on tonight” or “Come over, I can’t stop thinking about going down on you.” Mental foreplay is more important than we could ever imagine for women.
Once she is actually in our presence however, we create anticipation by going down to her vulva and kissing/licking her inner thighs, but never her labia or clit yet…let her know you are enjoying teasing her. Slowly tease your way back up to her breasts, caressing them, kissing them…savor her entire body, but ignore her clit and nipples until you are about to get down to business.
Oral Foreplay: Transitioning to Oral Sex
Hopefully her pants (or panties) are still on during the foreplay, but if not, still give this a try. I move back up and begin kissing and caressing her whole body. When I get ready to transition to oral foreplay, I’ll kiss/suck her neck and breasts then down to her stomach. I hold her hips with my hands and slightly pull down her pants to expose her pubic mound. I give deep open-mouth kisses to her pubic mound and gently suck on it.
Her hips are usually grinding heavily at this point; I remove her pants completely and spread her legs to fully appreciate her vulva. Begin by kissing her inner thighs and gently suck on them. While this is going on I usually glide my hands along the sides of her body to caress her breasts. Everything at this point is about building tension and anticipation to make her crave a release that’s only quelled by your tongue. Approach her vulva slowly, tease her, she loves it love than you will ever know.
Lick her perineum and then the groove where her inner thigh meets her outer labia. Give that groove long licks on both sides. Before you touch her vulva for the first time, breathe the warmest softest breath you can on the whole area; like fogging up a mirror. Move dangerously close to her clit and float away.
CAUTION: NEVER blow air into her vagina. It could cause an embolism and result in serious injury or death.
Step 1: The First Touch*
The first lick you give her must be both memorable AND stir up a craving for orgasmic release. Following the advice below will accomplish this by building even more sexual tension, as she may be bucking her hips by now, and highly anticipating the first caress your tongue gives her clit. The first touch sets the tone for the entire session so let’s look at a way to successfully do that. For this next section, think of your tongue as a snail exploring her vulva. Silly? Yes. Effective? Hell yeah!
The Long Slow Lick
Making and breaking contact, and contrasting light/firm pressure increases the sexual tension she feels and that tension will soon demand to be freed through orgasm. I like to have her on her back with her legs bent in the air for this part.
1. Place your soft flat tongue on her fourchette (the base of her vulva). Feel your tongue against her it. Pause to let both your nerve endings mingle. Feel your tongue fuse with her vulva and then…break.
2. Make contact again in the same place and VERY SLOWLY, lick upwards, gliding past her vaginal opening, and inner lips. Increase pressure as you near and once you are on, her clitoral frenulum.
3. As you pass the clitoral head, lighten up the pressure. The play of firm and light pressure is sweet torture at this point.
4. Continue licking up until your tongue is directly over her clitoral hood. You should feel her clitoral shaft underneath the hood. Apply more pressure on the shaft, and slowly give it a few horizontal licks.
5. Slowly down-stroke towards her fourchette and let your tongue rest on her entire vulva and vaginal entrance.
6. Sometimes at this point I’ll push her legs back over her head and slip my tongue deep inside her as I move it around. Then I break contact once again.
Sometimes while I’m giving her this long slow lick, I passionately give her hips a squeeze while pulling them closer to me so there is temporarily increased pressure on her vulva and clit via my tongue. Squeeze, lick, release. I like to time the squeeze so it’s just as my tongue reaches her the tip of her clit. It conveys my enjoyment and arousal to her. Subtle things like this communicate a lot to women.
Step 2: Building a Consistent Rhythm*
It is important for you to be able to feel the rhythm and how it is building. Rhythm is what makes these next steps work, not the licking techniques or counting. If you remember anything, it should be to create and maintain a rhythm. That will allow you to transition smoothly between each component to this step.
2A: Lick Pause (Stillness and Movement at Play)
1. Begin with your tongue on her fourchette and slowly lick upwards until you are on top of her clitoral hood, then lick downwards to the fourchette again. Take about 5 seconds for a full lick.
2. Let a flat soft tongue rest on her vulva for about 5 seconds.
Don’t worry about counting however because it can break the connection she feels…feel out the timing rather. Just make sure the lick and the pause are about the same in length. Begin feeling out the rhythm you want to create. Slow and steady for now.
3. Repeat this about 10 times or so.
2B: Half to Full
Begin with 5 halfway licks and 1 full lick; however repeat this rhythm (5 halfway 1 full) for about 5 times.
Licking halfway (in this context) means you stop licking once you reach her clitoral frenulum. This serves to tease the tip of her clit and causes it to crave your tongue. For this part, focus on licking her inner labia near the clitoral frenulum. This will coax the clit to come out to play.
1. Lick up half-way, and then lick back down. Do this 5 times.
If you can maintain the rhythm, give her frenulum a lick from both sides of her inner labia.
2. Give one full lick that passes over her clit.
3. Repeat this for a few times
2C: Clitoral Glans Seduction
When licking be playful, and focus on teasing her clit. The clitoris loves being teased with attention initially and this pattern achieves just that by appearing random.
1. Lick up half-way, and then lick back down. Repeat 1-10 times
2. Give one full lick which passes over her clit.
3. Repeat these steps ~20 times
Step 3: Almost There
Her clitoris is very hard by now and screaming for a consistent rhythm to be released from the sweet torture you have been giving her. Let her orgasm meet you however; place yourself in a calm head space, no rush…patience. Finish the masterpiece like you started it. I like to use a variety of ways to bring her to orgasm but a combination of the stimulation techniques below are a great way to free her orgasm and transmute all the tension you have built into exquisite pleasure.
One of the most important things now is to maintain good rhythm and consistency. Find a few good finishing strokes and stick with those until she comes. Gentle flicking of her clitoris or clitoral hood may send her over the edge now. One of simplest ways to bring a woman to orgasm is gentle flicking of her clitoris while simultaneously stroking her anterior vaginal wall and it happens to be a favorite of mine. However, below I’ll show you a simpler way to give her a mind-blowing orgasm. For now, let’s focus on reading her and her body.
Gauging Her Response
When stimulating her, pay attention to the following:
- The pace of her breathing
- How the tone or pace of her moans/vocalizations shift
- The muscle twitches in her vagina, abs, and thighs
- The color changes of her vulva
- The size of her clitoris
Notice how her lower abdominals flutter, how her hips rock, how her back arches, how her thighs, vagina, and anus contract when you stimulate her. She will move rhythmically and toward you if you are doing things right. Sometimes she may not move at all because you are doing everything right and she simply wants to soak all the pleasure in and moving would diminish that.
When you change anything, PAY ATTENTION TO HER, and calibrate your actions (speed, pressure, etc) based on her response.
All women are different. There are no hard rules and everything I’ve written in this article should be taken with a grain of salt until you have asked her what she likes. Women vary in:
- How much pressure they prefer
- How much speed they like
- Where and when they like a certain stimulation vs another
- Whether they like a lot of stroke/stimulation variety or a repetitious stroke pattern
- Direct or indirect clitoral stimulation
Even women who don’t like direct clitoral stimulation may enjoy it after she is highly aroused. If she is moaning, trembling, and bucking her hips…keep doing what you are doing and change nothing. Rapid breathing and writhing of her hips/body are good signs as well. The important thing is to test out techniques and not to assume she likes everything you do.
I will say that you should make it clear that you won’t be offended or hurt by her telling you what she needs to orgasm.
How to Tell if She Likes It
There are a multitude of reasons why women may not verbally say what they want. For now, I won’t cover the verbal stuff because Lick by Lick explains it better. With that said, we must feel for clues from her body. Be alert to pressure from her hands if they are on your body. Pulling you closer means she wants more (deeper, faster, and/or harder, etc).
If she pushes you away or moves her hips away it means you are too rough or giving too much stimulation. Slow down the licking speed and pressure significantly then gradually begin again and give more stimulation when you are getting signals to do so. You will know you are doing things right if she is holding you firmly but relaxed. When she is about to orgasm you might think more pressure, speed, etc. is good, but she may not. Most women prefer you keep the same rhythm which got them there in the first place. Some may prefer/require gentler stimulation to orgasm. Keep everything the same unless she says otherwise.
Essentially, knowing where she is in terms of arousal gives you direction. Paying attention lets you know when it is time to stop building her arousal with variation and bring her to orgasm via consistent rhythmic stimulation. If she is very close to orgasm, simply change nothing you are doing. If she is highly aroused, but a fair distance from orgasm then read on to find out one of my favorite ways to end a cunnilingus session with a great orgasm.
Step 4: The Explosive Finale of How to Go Down on Her
Here are descriptions of the techniques that will be depicted:
Gently suck on her clit and release it. Sort of like a pacifier. Constant pulses of suck and release. Or give it one good suck. The pacifier-like rhythm seems to work better though; it should be gentle pressure like sucking icing off of your finger.
Press your lips against her clit and circle the tip of your tongue around it. The swirls can be on or around her clit. You can swirl around her clit to tease her and then smoothly begin swirling directly on her clit.
Put your tongue directly on her clit and move it slowly up-and-down or side-to-side. Gradually build up the speed according to her body language. If direct clitoral stimulation is too much, then focus on “flicking” the hood of her clitoris. The flick is comparable to “ice cream cone” licks. The flicks can be firm or soft, but I recommend sticking with the soft ones.
Insert your thumb to just the first knuckle, then you make slow circles or slowly thrust while you lick her to orgasm. Moving/thrusting your thumb inside of her (but not far enough to satisfy) subtly creates a craving to have intercourse with you. An even better tease is to just have your thumb inside her without moving it at all, it creates that craving even more so.
I don’t know if you have ever heard of Taoist thrusting, but I call this Taoist licking. The Taoist thrusting method is an intercourse stroking rhythm consistently initially of 9 shallow strokes followed by 1 deep thrust. The shallow strokes decrease by 1 each time, while the number of deep thrusts increases by 1.
Taoist licking follows the same principle:
9 Halfway licks 1 Full lick
8 Halfway 2 Full
7 Halfway 3 Full
1 Halfway 9 Full
Start with 5 halfway licks and 1 full lick, however once you complete a set (5H 1F) add 1 halfway lick until you reach 9H 1F. Once you have finished 9H 1F, smoothly transition into Taoist licking.
This may put her over the edge in and of itself. If you don’t want her to orgasm just yet slow down gradually to maintain her arousal so you don’t lose all the pleasure you have built. To bring her near orgasm again, gradually build back up from that slow speed you tapered off with to the faster speed that had her on the edge of orgasm.
The great thing about Taoist rhythm is that it can be applied to almost every stimulation type. You can do 9 halfway licks and 1 clitoral suck, or 9H and 1 clitoral flick, or 9H and 1 clitoral swirl.
Notes to the “How to Go Down on Her” Basic Routine
- Hopefully this is an obvious tip but, if an orgasm is imminent, forget finishing the flowchart and keep licking the same rhythm until she comes. Save the rest of the flowchart for her next orgasm
- After 9H1F–>1H9F, stay clitorally focused unless you sense discomfort or decreased arousal
- THE KEY: smooth transition while maintaining your rhythm, the different licks don’t matter as much
- If you notice she responds better to one of the licks, switch that one to second place so you end up transitioning off of a high arousal peak.
- Flicks / Swirls: feel free to switch the order around/add your own variations if it makes transitioning smoother/easier. Most women like flicks and swirls so that’s why I choose that duo. Try horizontal licks also.
- Gentle Flicks/Swirls: this creates a powerful and pleasurable climb to orgasm and the soft, barely-touching licks feel amazing to her. Be sure to have just enough pressure to prevent tickling her.
- For the halfway licks here’s an extra tip: To tease her even more, put more pressure on her frenulum by switching from a soft flat tongue to a firm tipped tongue when you land on it. I like to do this on every last halfway lick before I give her a full lick to complete that set because it increases sexual tension via the rhythm and the contrast of stimulation. Another variation is to firmly lick her frenulum at every halfway lick, but I like to stick to the former variation because it adds a hint of anticipation.
There you have it, how to go down on her in a nutshell! If you made it all the way through this, thanks. I never meant for the article to be this long, but I wanted to create something valuable for ya.